Self questioning the wishful thinking


It happens all the time. Not sure when the self started feeling victimized by destiny, time and circumstances, though ‘victimized’ may not be the right word, but the feeling is no less than what it can described: absolutely impromptu. And the question just keeps ringing all the time – ‘Why me? And why me always?’

Most of the times when events don’t turn out the way they were planned, or as the self wanted them to happen, it just gives rise to an array of negations followed by the question – ‘Why me?’ These are the times when one feels if the whole universe is actually conspiring against self, to get what one wants out of sheer desperation? Well Paul Chloe had different views about the same, where he stated in Alchemist – ‘When you want something desperately, the whole universe conspires to get it to you!’ Well, at present, the self aint sure if the mind is playing insane games with it, but yes, the time is! And then a voice coerces the self to comprehend the fact – ‘this too shall pass!’ But when? Ears feel deaf, eyes feel dry and throat is choked. Nothing seems to be gay as it was just some time before. Too many expectations, unrequited anticipations and unanswered questions throw the self into a whirlpool which seems to whirl faster and faster with no halt. There is no time for self to have a sane conversation with the omnipresence. Thoughts keep overlapping and the cascading beliefs keep clashing like a high tide against the rocks, making a deafening noise, which is too incorrigible to comprehend.

When will the self learn to wait, to wait for the greener pastures, wait for the loneliness to drag away, wait for the silence most sanctified, wait for the answers with patience? Not sure, but the wait has started…..

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