5th Feb ‘2010: The day, when the wedding bells were ringing….., when people cheered and clapped to that new beginning…..and prayed for all the good times to keep coming…..’
5th Feb ‘2011: An year of marital bliss that continues, with a certificate added to it – Successfully completing an year of peaceful coexistence in harmony!
Marriage can make you a person you never imagined being before! All said and done, it is a life that does change you without letting you know about the fact that you are changing or have changed, merged with a new environment and probably have a different perspective towards everything in life. And all of it happens continuously like a season change without letting you know when the inevitable change started. In my case, it happened without a bang, sobering me down from the hyper reactive person that I was before. Post marriage, jargons of life like ‘responsibility’, ‘adjustment’ and ‘anger management’ which I had read somewhere ages ago (never tried to understand concepts that failed to enter my head in the first attempt!) got to me better than I had anticipated. In the past 1 year, the changes in me surprise me, but rather in a pleasant way! More because, I have an adorable husband who calms me down when I switch to a hyper impulsive mode especially when things do not work ‘my way’, and an extremely patient father in law who is patient enough to listen to my persistent blabbering about office, colleagues, work, friends and what not, a brother in law who is more of a brother to me, with whom I fight very often over TV and deciding what has to be made for dinner, and win over as I have the privilege of being the elder one 😉 And not to forget my parents, who have been my pillar of strength all through the rough patches of my life. These are the very people for whom I cannot thank God enough…..
Having entered a saas bina sasural where a home had been bereaved of a female presence for more than a decade, I had a tough time converting my 440 sq feet 1 bhk flat into a home, sweet home. Since my mother in law passed away 15 years ago, my sasural reeked of having been a bachelor’s den for more than a decade! The day I entered, I could feel the physical absence yet a virtuous presence of my late mother in law, whose photo frame still adorns the wall of my cute little home now. But it definitely took me time to adjust with my new relations, my neighbors and the new life above all! It is said, the beginning is always difficult and even more is that thinking as to how the beginning will be, the anticipation that drives it, which almost convinces you that the beginning is impossible! My father always reminded me in those days, ‘Do not waste your brain in areas where certain anticipation and expectations debilitate you and make you feel remorseful. ‘ And his words of wisdom made me see the brighter side that awaited me, of which the primary responsibility was to make a home out of a house first! And it definitely was a successful changeover, not forgetting to mention, with the help of my parents and all of this did take its own time of course!
Then came the transition from a working woman to being a home maker that was surely an exhausting yet an amusing changeover for me, as I come from a home, where I had never been a part of any household chores, where I was even oblivious to the worlds of cooking, washing clothes and cleaning floors. And later after school, where I spent almost 10 years and more staying away from home, I got adorable roommates who never much encouraged me to do the hard jobs (now I did not question them why? As I don’t want to know any reason for reasons best unknown). And the pattern followed when I joined CTS, Pune. The only work I was ever given, living my life as a free bird with my friends, was washing vessels which I probably did so well, that it still tops the list of my household chores. And adding to all of the above I did not know how to cook then (though now I cook moderately well, as I am perpetually awarded a 5 star by my sasural for all that I make: P) thanks to my roommates who gave me some initial training that I practiced over and over to become a moderately good cook! Since then, my cooking skills have only got better with time, though it is still an area that needs improvisation and unfortunately towards which I still have the least inclination! The only reason for the little interest that I have in the gourmet world is because, my husband hates to have anything to do with the department called kitchen, except for what comes out of it!, my father in law comes only on weekends and though his cooking skills are unquestionably good, I never have the heart to let him cook and my brother in law who is an excellent cook unlike me, shares with me the undesirable traits of delegating work to other people (so very much like me) But looks like, my cooking skills are going to cling to me for all times to come…..
And now 14 months post marriage, I look back and wonder ‘oh my! I have crossed a milestone and what have I learnt?’ Well, the learnings have been many! But the most important one is being patient! Not that I am ideally patient with everything life has to offer today, but would say, have accepted it just fine! And patience like madness, too takes its toll (needless to say!). I would relate patience to trying to swallow something that just won’t go down your throat for no reason! And such moments were just too many for me post marriage when I was actually staying all alone with father in law working out of Pune, husband posted across LOC and my brother in law still studying in Chennai. Amidst all that loneliness, calls from my husband (which he managed to make fortunately with a phone connection at 14000 feet), visits to Landmark, Shoppers Stop, Dorabjee and the occasional fun filled outings with an adorable sister in law made it a little easier for me then. Apparently there was no joy of having stayed alone right after marriage and the most excruciating phase was when people used to add to my woes by offering unsolicited sympathy. But as my husband puts across, ‘Narayani, make the best use of your ears! Make sure certain musings never reach your brain but are bypassed over and out from the other ear!’ Initially that was difficult to follow but that was the only way I could choose to be happy with life! And the kind of that emotional support my husband had given me, even if it was over phone by listening to my persistent ramblings patiently is something that kept me alive and kicking in those times of madness.
So after 1 year and 2 months, I feel like some creature evolved and rejuvenated! But well, so far the journey has been good, trying, testing, painful, and adventurous but at the end rewarding! I just hope from now onwards, life opens those Chinese boxes to me with pleasant surprises….. 🙂