A few days back, when I was talking to my college mate, also a good friend of mine (who was also my perpetual ‘partner in crime’ for many notorious activities of our hostel life), I was as usual nagging her with questions like ‘When are you getting married?’ and ‘Have you at least given your parents the permission to search a worthwhile groom for you?’ etc……. well, these questions from an elder would have brought out the vamp in her. And this is where friends make a difference. When parents or relatives badger with such questions, it is natural to get annoyed. One would even feel that the world around you doesn’t have a job in hand except for aligning stars and direction of the wind, to make ‘things’ happen! But since the same question was coming from a close friend (me – a friend who has already gone through ‘it’), my dear friend calmly chose to explain her views on what kind of partner she would prefer. And she made it very clear, that her life partner, her better half, her soul mate must be someone whose nature is compatible with hers. A very simple and genuine answer. After all, who does not want a compatible partner? And yes, I wish the best for my friend that she meets the perfect (or nearly perfect) life partner very soon.
But then that word ‘compatible’ was making rounds in my head for a long time. In fact, every second person of a marriageable age uses this word as if it were some slang like WTF (which is used umpteen times for nonsensical reasons)! At times I wonder, if people even sit back and think, what this word really means to them? And mind if I ask you readers, what does this word mean to you? Or, how do you know if you are compatible with someone? How do you decide, if the person of your choice is your love or is the one you would spend the rest of your life with? In case of arranged marriages, compatibility is induced as the matches are made by the elders after a lot of choice filtering, planning, contemplation and speculation. And in most cases (not all, would I say), the union continues on a good note as long as the couple have understood the meaning of this word and suited it to their lives in the best way possible! In case of love marriages (again not in all, but in a few), the couple having known each other for a while, before entering marital bliss, end up misunderstanding compatibility by treating each other as good as – ‘ghar ka murgi, dal barabar!’
Prior to marriage, a couple is entitled to enjoy a courtship period. The importance of this period lies in how much the privilege to know each other better, to know each other’s likes, dislikes, passion and interests, is made use of. But most important of all, this is also a period when the two ‘to be made for each other’, must get to know the families they will be a part of, in near future. So, why is it important to know the families as well (if you ask me this is the most important criteria for compatibility, although it is never given due importance in most relationships)? Here, I would like to quote the cautious words of wisdom, cited by a wise man a couple of years back –
‘Marriage is not just about the union of two souls, it is the union of two happy families, union of their blessings, union of their hopes and union of their trust and expectations. Remember, it was never about you ‘in singular’. It is always about you’ in plural’. After marriage, you belong to not one, but two families. The union of the souls is held by a thin yet strong thread of mutual love, trust and respect that goes way beyond mortal pleasures and never needs to be expressed. Its inherent presence helps the couple comprehend compatibility, compatibility between them and between the families they are now a part of!’
At that time, the self may not have comprehended these words deeply. Yet, the words were etched in the back of the mind. And with time, the self understood every word spoken and its significance. Till then, the meaning of compatibility was just superficial. It just meant – ‘thinking on similar lines!’. But the wise man’s words made the self see beyond the outward meaning of it! In simple words, no two souls can ever be ‘compatible’, if it just meant being ‘like-minded’, ‘well-matched’ or simply ‘two people having similar temperament’. Every individual is born unique. He/she has his/her own thought process, an individual perspective of viewing the environment around. So how can one define compatibility on such shallow grounds? They also say, opposites attract! And they are so much attracted that they feel, they complement each other! I beg to differ here! Opposites attract each other until they imbibe certain traits from each other to eventually gain same polarity! And that is when they start repelling. And the theory of human nature cannot be based on theory of magnetism!
So folks, what does ‘compatible’ mean to you? When a person claims his/her love for you, how much can he/she assure himself/herself of the fact that he/she could accept you for whatever you were, are or will be and likewise too? (Remember this applies to you as well!) How far and how much can you live up with undesirable aspects of your partner, as seen by you, as much as your partner accepts your flaws with grace? (Now, don’t tell me, you are flawless!). Once the answer is found, the meaning of compatibility becomes clear too! And when the fog of misinterpretation hounding this compatibility clears, you realize, it actually comes with its own definition which is unique for every person.
As I end this post, this is the thought that comes to mind at the moment:
‘…..Life offers you myriad choices that come with their share of risks. All you need to decide, is which choices are worth making and which risks are worth taking…..!’
P.S: This post is solely my view point on compatibility in relationships.