Please Note: The post below is generic and is just one of the many perspectives of life. Opinions and viewpoints of my precious readers are welcome!
Some time ago, I came across this statement as a FB status message – ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’ Well, I did not try to figure out, why that message was posted, assuming people vent out their feelings on a social forum, where they get hope, solace and empathy, for whatever they are going through. But somehow, the statement does ring a bell. In everyone’s life, at some point of time, each one of us have asked the same question, have tried to find answers, have questioned strong beliefs and got nothing but despair. But today, if one tries to comprehend the meaning of this question, one is likely to get different answers and each answer would be defying the other person’s thoughts! Perhaps, one needs to understand the semantics of what is fair and not, what is good and not and what is morally correct and not!
Events beyond control, attention, justification?
Some life shattering events of the past were inevitable and some were unstoppable because they were least expected. In the year 2001, when the twin towers were blown away ruthlessly by terrorist attacks, the self asked, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’. The same question resurfaced four years later, when nature leashed its fury in the form of Tsunami, in the year 2004. Following suit was the infamous Nithari killings with the dirty linen of rich and insane being spilled out in the year 2005-06. Then the woes continued with consecutive bomb blasts in various cities, Bangalore, Jaipur and the most infamous terrorist attack on the financial capital of Mumbai, in the year 2008. The chaos did not end there, as nature always finds a way of retribution. Year 2009 was a year of pandemonium, with swine flu, a deadly eradicator that traveled all the way from Mexico to create havoc in our country! So why am I giving stats? Well, in all of the above stated, the world lost a crowd that consisted of expectant mothers, overjoyed graduates, youths who just landed in their first job, vibrant toddlers, couples who were to be married or were newly wed, couples who were on a verge of a break up and people who toiled hard everyday to make their ends meet! All these people included some, whom we knew and some we whom we did not! And the question popped out again, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’
‘Certain questions don’t have an answer’, ‘Life is unfair’ and ‘Life is like that’ are some common answers to this question! Answers can be cruel for questions of the above kind! And they have different effect on different people and for all, becomes most difficult to understand! For every man, his woes, his troubles appear to be overriding. Troubles can be severe and when I say severe troubles, they include timely or untimely deaths of beloved ones, divorce after a steady marriage of years, relationship breakups, lay offs, demotions and so on! And that is when the question hurts, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’, while some even end up thinking the other way round, ‘Why do good things happen to bad people?’. Just too bad, I would say!
Every person, when born, brings with him an invisible diary that states the course of events in his life. Some may disagree with this point saying ‘I don’t believe in destiny!’ Well, in that case, how does one explain the irreversible events that happen in our lives, events that we least expect to happen, events that take us by surprise, events that leave us demoralized and remorseful? Now, there is no good answer for it, right? All one can do at that moment, is blame himself or the environment around for the events gone wrong, terribly wrong! And the blame game never ends and neither helps! It will probably help you escape the reality for a time and make you float in a delirium, which makes you feel the pain, more, more and more….. Unfortunately, there is no time machine that allows you to correct events of the past, or undo writings that dictated your present inevitable moment or redo the sequence of events that are destined to happen in your future! So one might as well face it, ‘Good and bad things happen to be a part of life. What matters is how you would like to move on, with learning from a bad experience and motivation from the good ones!’
When relationships make you question it?
Coming to relationships between two individuals, (a very delicate subject though), the statement ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’ is more misinterpreted than being understood! Let’s take a relationship example. You love a person and that person loves you. You both share the best rapport, are the best friends and seem to share a spiritual connection that makes people around you go green with envy. And as time passes, the change (which is inevitable) tags along bringing out individual traits that have remained dormant for long! Times change, you change, your partner changes, people around you change! What follow suit are ego clashes, petty fights, days of stone cold silence and feeling the bondage of a relation so loved! A couple who supposedly seemed to have shared a great bond, do not know each other at all! A whirlwind of negative emotions churn out despair, anxiety, anger, remorse and pessimism that make the couple quip, ‘Why me? Why do these things have to happen with me?’
As observed in most cases (not all would I say), it is human nature to overlook flaws of self. And it is very natural for you to spot flaws in the other, which appears mammoth to what you have in yourself. In due course of time, you tend to believe, you can never be at fault. And the belief becomes stronger, convincing you that you have been victimized, and a relationship crumbling to dust is the worst thing that could happen to you! When a relationship reaches a breaking point, the first ideal thing to do is retrospect! And if you are in a relationship, where you are being taken for granted, or you taking your partner for granted, where you make yourself unhappy to make the other happy, or derive happiness by being insensitive to your partner’s feelings, then I believe, you absolutely deserve the ‘not so good things’ happening to you in a relationship! In relationships, this question carries little or no relevance, if you cannot gauge the depth of your own character and your partner’s! Sounds blunt? Accept it! If you feel so, that your partner is not good enough for you, be assured of the fact, you are not the best for him/her either!
Trying to gauge the question – Why…..?
And now coming to our question of substance again, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’‘, it is very important to understand, what defines good and bad in your dictionary. Well, at one time, capital punishment for criminals was considered cruel and diabolical. But I wonder, if anyone would dare say, ‘capital punishment is insane’, when it comes to wickedness personified like Ajmal Kasab or Ted Bundy! For instance, take the example of mercy killing. It appears insanely cruel to kill physically ailing people. But for such people who have been suffering pain indefinitely, may find it as God’s way of freeing them from their misery. And, when it comes to an even more serious form of pain like a timely or untimely death of a beloved, there is nothing in this world that can answer that resurfacing question, except the strange combination of time, restraint and silence. Pain of such kind can perhaps be rebuilt into a strength to move on, on a plank made of trust and motivation. And time alone can do it, which is never that fast when it comes to ‘times not so good’!
The point stated here is merely to understand, ‘good and bad can be relative terms’. Sometimes, what appears good at one time, may be insanely ridiculous at some other time. Time and circumstance define your ‘good’ and ‘bad’. No wonder, we often fail to realize that our definitions of good and bad too change with times. But we are just better off spotting changes in others, but ourselves! And when it comes to trials and tribulations of life, they can never be good at any point of time, but they help you see the brighter side of life in times to come, when you actually learn to appreciate your past, present and future with no qualms whatsoever! God bless…!!