The journey: how it started…??
P.S: This post is dedicated to all would be mothers. An experience from my end to let know the nuances of motherhood – the most beautiful and mystic expression of God!
Post marital bliss…..
At a time, when I was enjoying my life, with a good job in hand about which I was extremely passionate about, with hubby on vacation, with in laws at home for their break, I had thought then, ‘This time couldn’t have gotten better!’. That was year 2010, the month of October. 8 months post marriage and 4 more to go for a milestone to be crossed, I was having a gala time with people I love most after my parents. Everyday felt like a picnic for me. My husband and I have had a wonderful courtship of 2 years although it was on phone. And the current period felt just great, with him riding his Laila(His splendor which he calls his first love) and with his ‘second love’ sitting just behind him! It felt like reliving the courtship period all over again. But as my husband’s vacation was nearing an end, loneliness had already started plaguing me even before he left for his duty. Well, that’s an essential learning for an army officer’s wife – learning to balance her emotional quotient! And I was still learning the balancing act! However, destiny had its unique plans for me and it was going to make me learn more…..
Someone somewhere is waiting to be born…..
Some events in life cannot be forecast, cannot be predicted. They are meant to happen at the right time! This was one of the valuable lessons life imparted to me post that month of vacation. However in that one month, I could sense an unseen force around me which made me feel different, euphoric, moody and ecstatic and at times, all of it at a time! I had never felt that unique feeling before. It first felt like a touch that later transformed into an exhilarated sensation that plunged deep in my veins, with blood splurging faster than usual. I still remember 20th October, when Karthik went back on duty. The day before, he confided in me about him having felt the same unique yet pleasant presence. I remember his words, ‘Narayani! Why do I get a feeling that the year of 2011 will be an Year of Three?’ Although I understood the underlying meaning, I chose to ignore it for the time being, as I was too overconfident to accept what he was trying to hint at. And the month passed by peacefully. After that, it took me a while to adjust with the usually much anticipated, yet severe bouts of emotional strains, sleepless nights and dreary days at work. Usually, my EQ comes back to normal within a week, but this time, it was going to take a while…..
Time of reckoning…..
A week and more had passed since that conversation took place. Each time my husband and I spoke, we discussed about everything under the sun, our future, our jobs, our careers and then circuitously about this presence which was now trying to convince us of its existence. After a lot of speculation, I confided my doubts in one of my colleagues cum close friend Tilottama. The first thing she asked me was, ‘Narayani! Are you ready?’ Her question shook me first, but honestly I had not thought about it! Not that my husband and I were not ready for a child, but we both never expected parenthood calling so soon! Let’s say some events are least expected to happen only because you never think at all about them, in the first place. But then her question made me pop out an answer, which surprised both of us! The answer was a YES. So it meant, I was prepared and God willed it, after all! But how…..?, was the question that needed an answer! Well, I needed to see a good doc. The very thought of that someone special waiting to come through me into this world felt great! And so I embarked on a journey called – Motherhood!
Being the sole female presence in my saas bina sasural, with FIL working out of Pune, with BIL studying down south and husband posted across LOC where, he was most of the times unreachable, the going felt tough and it was getting tougher! Today when I recollect those moments of anxiety, I owe a lot to Kavi (my husband’s cuz who helped me a lot by remaining by my side most times) and Tilo because at a time, when I needed a prop to hold on to, at a time when my parents were not physically reachable and at a time, when there was no one I could turn to, and yet wanted to hear from someone, that everything was just going to be fine, these girls were God’s means of assurance – ‘Do not worry! I am there’!
Meet the doc, please!
The would-be-mother in me was already drowned in a pleasant wave of vibrancy and joy. After a couple of days, when my husband called, I confirmed his doubts and we both felt on cloud nine! Parenthood albeit was not an immediate item in our plan of actions in life’s basket as we had devised, but it was God’s plan after all! And we were suddenly transformed into highly expectant and euphoric parents from a couple married for 9 months or so! The feeling was mutual. More so, the feeling of a would-be-mother is the most pleasant feeling a woman can experience in her lifetime. It makes her feel more beautiful, more divine and more real! I realized all of the above that day. No dress, no makeup, no accessories and no mortal means of enhancing beauty of the exterior can beat the splendor of motherhood. With a confirmed home preg test, with husband’s continuous reassuring on phone and with my dear friend Deepa’s help, I fixed up my much awaited appointment with a gynecologist – Dr. Milind Telang.
Dr. Milind Telang, a cool middle aged man with a brisk gait and a loud voice, was the coolest gynac I had ever come across. His clinic is located in the noisiest area of Camp, the crowded Shivaji market of Pune, a place which at any other time, I would have detested visiting! But inside the clinic, the ambiance was exactly opposite to what it was outside. The clinic was serene and calm! Me being a first timer was accompanied by Tilo who was comforting me with soft words every now and then, ‘Don’t worry! You will be just fine!’. The feeling of butterflies fluttering in each nerve of my body as a result of amalgamation of extreme happiness and heightened anxiety was perplexing! As my turn came, I appeared more like a frightened fawn than a first time patient. The doc cooled me down asking the basic technical questions like ‘How long have you been married?’, ‘Is this your first pregnancy?’ and etc… After the questionnaire session and a brief examination, he added, ‘You are just going to be fine!’ and my next appointment was scheduled a week later.
Reveling in the phase to come…..
Motherhood is the most assailable time in a woman’s life, where she is the strongest person yet most vulnerable; emotionally clogged yet so divine and most apprehensive yet so happy! It can bring in extraordinary changes in a woman, the least of any she would have expected ever in life! My first trimester started on a good note, with the festival of Diwali adding lamps of hope and optimism to my much confused persona. My parents arrived in Pune and stayed with me for a month to help me get a hold of the sudden turn around of events happening with and around me. Also, as planned, considering my state, my parents decided to take me back to Bharuch for better care, which was definitely the most palpable solution for a person like me staying all alone!
However, in the initial days, I was advised bed rest by the doc for medical reasons. After a month under Dr. Milind Telang’s guidance, with hubby’s frequent calls that boosted my morale to undefined heights and under my adorable parents’ observant care, I took to a more healthier form and was given the permission to travel in my second month. I suddenly transformed into a 6 year old who was looking forward to a vacation and that too when it was going to be ‘travel by train’, something which I had not availed in many years! With packing done and mentally and physically set to visit my hometown, I sighed, ‘Bharuch! Here I come, not as one but two!’
The journey of motherhood continues…..
The place where you are born and brought up always showers you with tones of mental strength, comfort and happiness. The moment, our train entered my hometown I was engulfed in a cornucopia of nostalgic memories. As I stepped out, the familiar sea breeze of Bharuch that came from the back waters of the Arabian sea; a Gujrati speaking crowd who I did not know, yet I seemed to know; the familiar road leading from station to my home and the ever resident tall Neem trees on either side of the road welcomed me with open arms! The overwhelming feeling that I experienced that time can never be expressed in words. That unique feeling ran deep in my veins and it ushered me into a shelter of never ending tranquility – my home!
After days of reliving my most memorable childhood days here, fixing up with the new gynac was the next plan in action. Fortunately, we had our pointers and all directed towards Dr. Chellapan, a family friend of ours and undoubtedly the best gynac in Bharuch. Under his care, with loving neighbors around, with assuring calls from my husband sitting at 14000 feet above sea level and with my overly adorable parents tending to my needs every now and then, my apprehensions about this new phase of life were finally put to rest and the journey of motherhood embarked then, continues…
As I am in last trimester, the wait that started 8 months back is now nearing an end; an end which will be a new beginning altogether! Perhaps I would write more about the joys of motherhood, once my little one comes into this world!
Before I finish this post, I pray sincerely from the bottom of my heart for all the would be mothers, for their good health and prosperity! And I specially thank God for having given me doting parents who have stood by me through thick and thin and have imbibed in me, values to accept life with grace. As I am looking forward to a new phase in life with utmost patience and anticipation, I can see a cycle that is about to start again, only with a role change, where I would no longer be the attention seeker but the attention giver and where my parents would play a new role: Grandparents, who would just make sure both their blood lines are on track, on the right track of a journey called life! Motherhood is the best gift a female can get in her life! It is a gift of a lifetime, and I am thankful to God for all times to come! God bless my little one…!! Amen!