4th Oct ‘2011, 11:15 PM:
Again self is in one of those hoarse moods. It is one such time when self craves for some ‘silence of being alone’ that is often an uninvited yet pleasant guest, which at any other time would have been the ‘silence of being lonely’, an uninvited and a deadly pest! And in present, silence seems to be the only companion self could turn to, to hear from, to get comforted. The moods in the earlier part of the day had just started to swing and now are oscillating at an incogitable rate. And the self cannot quite figure out the current state of its mood, except for the awry feeling that is an ungodly conjuncture of fear and faith, insanity and rationality. The feeling is never ending, like the blackness of the bottomless oceans and like the unceasing distance of the sinking sun from the shore. Either way, the depth and the expanse of this mind bubble remains unfathomable…..
…..and the self doesn’t feel like talking yet. It wants assurance time to time. It wants certainty be its perpetual companion. It wants to listen. It wants to hear, hear…..that soothing voice which is a part of itself and yet physically distant by miles; the sanguine notes of music which those tiny vocal chords play everyday; the words of wisdom spoken by those rusty pages, which kiss the eyes and soothe the soul; the drumbeats that come from far away at an hour of festivity assuring self of optimism, faith and good times to come…..
…..As self reminisces the music of those endearing sounds, it feels better. The thoughts are now flowing again, like the inexorable river that finds its course eventually, come what may. The stagnation of gloom has diffused. And the clouds of anxiety and apprehension are dissipating away gradually. Clarity resumes by taking over the reigns of sanity once again. Peace descends. Self now waits with utmost patience and optimism, for the wait to end. Yes, the wait that started, has to end and on a good note soon…..
5th Oct ‘2011, 12:30 AM:
The eyelids feel heavy now, as the vision is shifting from the darkness of the night to the light that is shining from within. As the self continues searching for answers to its questions, a small prayer escapes the parched lips, only to be heard by the unseen guest at every meal and the silent listener to every conversation. That is when the inner voice suddenly quips, ‘Whatever happens is destiny. And, whatever happens, is for the good and with a good reason’. Now, the self feels reassured. It can feel its props of patience and perseverance strengthening again….. The night of half moon is clearing way for a breaking dawn that will soon spread its wings of saffron effervescence across the dark blue skies. Till then, all the self prays for, ‘the wait that started, has to end…..’
Lines for the moment:
Silence feels like a blessing when one wants to be alone. And it feels like a curse when one feels lonely. Whoever said, ‘silence is golden’ probably forgot to mention that it too changes its color.