12th March 2013:
And it all started with the MRI scan. I had only heard about it, rather studied about it in school days. Little did I know, I was going to experience the strongest form of magnetic rays pass through my body to show abnormalities if any. With my husband by my side, I was in the MRI room for an hour or so. The same day, a nerve conductive study was also conducted on me, where electrodes are placed at the primary nerve points to check if there is any lapse in the nerve impulses. My body jerked each time, those short yet strong electric current pulses passed through my body. The good part was my body reflexes were intact. The not so good part was, what was to be known was yet unknown.
That day, as I lay in the bed for hours uncounted, the question that haunted me to the core, “why me? How is it possible? How could it be me? Why, after all? Why, now? Why in the name of God, why?” It is in the most awkward time, that mind chooses to play devious games. It simply refuses to accept reality. It refuses to accept that there could be anything wrong. It refuses to cooperate with the body and soul. It becomes the antagonist all of a sudden. And more painful than the mortal wounds, is the pain that the soul sees and feels around. The agonizing look on a father’s face to see his only child on a hospital bed in a maze of tubes and wires, the muffled sobs of a mother whose eyes had dried up after hours of shedding silent tears, the poignant eyes of my one and a half year old son that refused to look into my eyes and instead buried them into his grandmother’s lap and the most pain stricken face of my husband who stood by my side, watching me with that look, “Common Narayani, don’t do this to me. Sit up, walk, talk. I want to hear you now. I want you to see me now. Become normal. Heal fast. please!” I realized there could be no worse pain than watching your loved ones in pain because of you. I just waited.
Lines on that day: This too shall pass……