13th March 2013 :
And as I slowly started accepting the reality, I realized, acceptance of the current inevitable moment does not reduce your pain or does not heal you any fast, but it builds courage and hope drop by drop. At least, acceptance gives you the strength to get past every current minute that seems like a day. And in all that pain and drowsiness caused by the needle pricks and constant flow of antibiotics into my system, surprisingly, I reminisced every beautiful moment that adorned my life. Starting from the day I met my husband, the lovey dovey days that followed, our courtship, our engagement, out marriage, then our forceful stay away from each other away when he was posted in a battlezone where I couldn’t accompany him, then the day I conceived, those nine months of family way, the day our son was born and the beautiful sunny days that followed later. And it made me smile for a moment as I thought, life has not been unfair. It made me realize somewhere deep inside that I have not been sleeping on a bed of thorns all the while, like the moment now. Most importantly, it made me realize that life for sure, was not a bed of roses.
Good times and bad times, both come and go. It is only during the bad times, one realizes the worth of good. And as I lay there on a bed, helpless with a tube inserted nasally through which I was fed and with an IV injected through my veins, all I could do was surrender to the Almighty. I prayed each day, each night. I apologised to Him for all my mistakes that I may have done knowingly and unknowingly. Most importantly, I prayed for the well being of each one around me. Good health is so underrated in today’s world that people rarely understand the cons of not having it. It is only when a moment like this comes, one realizes the richness of good health. Even the richest man becomes the poorest on a hospital bed, as he is at the mercy of another human being. And my thoughts continued to drift away. There was barely any sense of time. Days and nights merged into one. My outings were restricted to going for tests, some trips to the ICU and then a little movement after I got fresh in the morning. Time was ticking and it was slow. With body, mind was losing hope somewhere. Each time, I saw the clock, I wished there was only a dawn and a dusk to a day with nothing else in between. And the days dragged by slower than ever…..
Lines on that day: Will this night ever end? Will the next day bring any hopes. The wait that had started had to end……”