after a lot of forethought, Murphy bungles it up! And, how bad! It is infuriating, when even a small task depends heavily on many unsaid parameters! Most of my plans die silently even before they take shape. And, when I don’t plan, my parents worry incessantly as to why their only daughter, now also a ‘responsible mother’ does not take the planning business seriously. And there is the hubby who enjoys throwing the ball in my court every single time, always supports my decisions only to explain me later about how my decisions could have been better! Now that I am contemplating on whether to even think about forecasting certain things OR not, I should probably be crowned ‘The Princess of Dilemmas’! How charming!
One of the things I detest in life absolutely is, a dilemma of any kind! The ‘Ifs’, ‘Buts’, ‘Or’, ‘maybe/maybe not’that cloak such vague predicaments (simple ones too), drive me crazy and, to no ends! Just when I am on the verge of deciding something important, the erratic constants of my life turn variable! Right now, I am peeved with how certain inconspicuous ‘constants and variables’ affect certain decisions while the ‘later to arrive’ wicked hindsight ruffles the feathers of ‘could have been better’ regrets! It is like, you have many roads in front of you but your destination could change any moment after you have embarked on your journey! In my case, the moment I decide upon something
I wonder why such vagueness affects me so deeply. Is it because I do not want to take a certain decision all by self on an impulse and later be advised for a ‘better next time’ or, is it because time always fails me in the aftermath of certain decisions that are more of goof ups? Do I sound irritated? Sometimes, I am vocal about it. Most of the times, I am just scared of the decisions I need to take in the catch 22 situations. Because, I am never fully convinced about the rights and the wrongs, the pros and the cons, the ‘could be’s’ and ‘could be not’s’, when the stand to be taken appears out of nowhere! Well, I do not dread the decisions or their consequences, but the never ending advice that comes from every nook and corner on how the decision could have been taken and, better!
And, all I would look at life and sigh,
“C’mon life! Bring it on!”
Phew! A momentary relief for a while perhaps and then, in the conundrums of “to do or not to do”, reluctance supersedes my decisive powers again. And again, the self is stuck in the same spot in a maze of never ending impasses – ‘to do’ or ‘not to do’.
P.S: By the way, forgot to warn that this is a rant post and that, nothing any fruitful about the read! In case, you have already read it, what can I say? (smiles wickedly!)