When I am not writing, I am reading. When I am not reading, I am thinking. When I am not thinking, I am dreaming. And, when I am not dreaming, I am fast asleep. (Yes, I day dream too!) You guessed it right! I am on a vacation at home, sweet home of parents. However these days, I am a little off the track of my usual self. Sometimes, I do tend to worry a tad too much over myself regarding the weighty issues (though my parents feel, I have toned down a considerable lot with my regular Yoga routine). And sometimes, I fuss a little more than usual over my son’s routine of food and studies. (I don’t have to worry about his playing and outdoor activities, as he seldom misses them.) As my ramblings get louder, my mother remarks, “Young lady! You have a lot of time to worry which apparently has become a hobby for you! I guess you are suffering from vacation blues.”
I think she is right! I am more laid back than usual. Something I rarely am. Also, I have way too many ideas in my head pertaining to writing and am unable to start with even one. Am I suffering from writer’s block? Sigh! Many professional writers and authors emphasize on the importance of regular writing. Like, writing even a few lines everyday hones the skill in playing words well. True that, actually. It does help in writing and ranting alike, like the latter, which I am doing now. However, there is more to my loud thinking/rambling. All the hoopla over my over thinking has probably risen out of my apprehensions over the choice of professions I have pursued and the ones, I now plan to.
Now, did I ever tell you how there has always been a significant wait period for me whenever I wanted to dabble in something new? Let’s say, I am always surprised by destiny in a way, I cannot express. For instance, if I crave for something and I strive hard towards achieving it, that thing just keeps going further and further away, almost convincing me in the process that, I am chasing a dead end. And then, when I am almost on the verge of giving up, I get a thumbs up from nowhere as things fall in place, exactly the way they should. A classic example of this is, how I met my hubby (I am yet to write a series on it!). The thing is, I met him at a time, when I was sore enough to stay a spinster all my life. 23 then, I was way too young to decide on those lines, but my experiences about everything in-between got me judgmental. Suffices to say that meeting my hubby and having a soul mate, best friend and my partner in mischief all in one, is the best thing that has happened to me. Anyways, where was I? See, am digressing all the time! Yes, I was blabbering about how my wants find me only after I spend an eternity chasing them and then, they waddle up to me after I almost crunch and say, “Ok! You win!” Career wise, writing and teaching have done that to me. In all of these, I have learnt a thing or two about life. One, you should not stop chasing your dream and Two, Have patience. Things happen the way they should, only at the right time. If they are not happening, that only means one thing; the time is not yet ripe.
That said, I am getting back to my new worries now. Oh yes! I am no agony aunt. FaceBook minions are my shrinks and I desperately depend on their timely advice on battling my ridiculously bizzare worries that just keep coming from all directions. Can’t pinpoint the source though. As for my current bag of woes, they are all about my new profession that I plan to take up next month with my incurably optimistic tendency to reply to each of them! (I am insane enough to talk to myself)
“Am I cool with children?”, (Yes, I am most of the times)
“How am I supposed to deal with the unruly ones?”, (The thing is, I never dealt with unruly ones!)
“Will they accept a new teacher for the one, they have been comfortable with?” (Yes, that thought hurts!)
“What if I fail?” (I would be lying if I say I am scared of failures. But, I am no quitter either!)
“What if I am unable to balance my domestic chores? (Well, bring it on!)
As much as I have tried to follow my father’s advice with utmost conviction, “Never fear failures. Beat them!” I do have those moments of confusion when I am unsure about my choices. Truth to be told, my career choices have never been an outcome of decisions that I made by choice. Let’s say, I pursued what I got. And now for the first time, I am following my instincts to pursue something that makes me happy.
For me, life until now has not been a hurdle free highway, but an ostensibly smooth road full of invisible rumble strips! First, they bothered me. It felt as though, they bogged me down as, I watched the world move past me. But now, am glad that I stumbled on them. Rumble strips force you take a break. They force you to look around. And, importantly they force you to check your speed now and then!
Apparently, life is full of rumble strips and, I am loving it.