Diplomatically (in)correct!


There is the good, the bad and the ugly. And then, there is the insane – a class apart!

Some days are good. Some are just filled with regular routine. Some are filled with great joy that is derived from watching comical snippets on Adithya/Sirripoli channel. And then, some days are clouded with dark questions like – ‘Where am I heading professionally in life?’ (I am craving for a 9 to 6 job where I can sit and write to my heart’s content!) And, there are some days when the self feels – ‘Just leave me alone! I need a time out!’. Off late I am kind of dabbling in days of all the shades mentioned. So on my not so good days, I wonder, where did all the optimism disappear? Where did the entire ‘be good, feel good’ factor go? If you read many of my posts, you ought to mistake me for some cool headed calm and serene female who apparently blogs about the beautiful things in life. Of course, I love to blog about good things in life because I would love to have people read my blogs and feel good about the good things in life. But sometimes, the feral side of me argues with my saner one as it says – ‘Write to express is not merely about unseeing the inevitable and yet unpleasant tide and yet, trying to pretend that life is still covered with sunshines and rainbows. Because, even the not so positive energy must be dissipated in a healthy way. And, writing is perhaps a palpable way to release the clutter. After all, to write freely without inhibitions is also a much needed emotional therapy for the mind that is tired of being diplomatically correct. every.single.time ’ Perhaps, this post shall bring out the diplomatically ‘in’correct side of me that has been wanting to be heard all this time.

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If you have known me in person, you would brand me as a selectively social homo sapien who doesn’t tune or tweak the frequencies of her wavelength but would rather seek people who share her mindset. As much as I am led to believe that this is my strong point, somewhere deep within I also feel that it is the chink in my armor! A drawback. A fault line! A dent in my personality that has many a time helped me dodge the potholes in destiny and at the same, has also misled people into believing that I am not good at retaliating or countering (as I prefer silence in such situations). Well, for the latter part…I suck at it not because I am incapable of retaliating but because, I am totally and truly not tamed enough to retaliate in a controlled manner. Which is why, I shy away from arguments and queasy questions. I utterly dislike a situation where I have to forcibly answer a question I do not want to answer. For instance, I cringe when someone intrusively  questions not once but many a time about whether or not we are planning a second child. I cannot even fathom what the families that are planning their first must be feeling under the barrage of such infuriating questions. People, if you have nothing decent to ask or, sane to discuss about, silence is well appreciated from my end. Personal space and privacy is synonymous with wearing clothes. When someone touches it, it feels like being touched inappropriately!

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And, this brings me to the second part of my rant post. Why is that some people choose to be rude when communicating about a task, without even using a proper instruction channel? Initially, the rudeness bothered me. But with time, I have come to believe that it is a trick. Intimidation is perhaps one of the unscrupulous ways of getting things done for some people. However, I feel it is a worthless trick! It isn’t even a trick if you look at it up close. It is rather foolish. For instance, sample these hypothetical (fictional) conversations and, judge for yourselves, which one makes you feel better.

A calls B on phone, late evening – Sunday: Listen! Have you done any of the presentations I asked you to? {B fumbles as (s)he tries to first understand the context of a conversation….before B tries to come up with an answer, the impatient A continues…..}….. What have you done all this time? This is no good!….No don’t give excuses! I don’t want to hear anything! Bye!”

A calls B on phone, late evening – Sunday: Hey! Good evening! How are you? Hope you are good! By the way, how far have we come across in the presentation thing on Women Empowerment? {B takes time to prepare the answer and the wait of a few seconds is appreciated. After B lists out whatever needs to be detailed….}.….ok no issues….it would be better if the work gets done at the earliest. If there are hiccups, let know…bbye”

In the first conversation, A totally threw B off the guard and, without even realizing the impact of the harsh words, continued with the apprehending barrage. In the second case, A provided B with a time window to think and understand the context of a call. It is crucial that people who believe they are good at managing tasks must hone their listening skills too. And then, where is the need for intimidation when a task can be performed flawlessly sans any drama or issues. As much as people advise on ‘ways to handle rude people with tact’, when a situation as such arises, it is spontaneity that comes upfront. And, spontaneity is an unpredictable game of dice. One never knows how it will unveil. For instance in the first conversation, B could have retaliated. B could have said, “Balls! Do it yourself!”. B could have simply hung up on the impatient A. In spite of the million combinations of what spontaneity could offer, B in the most probably predicted manner, must have zoned out and wondered in amusement or anger, “What in the hell was that!”

I would call that social conditioning. We are programmed homo sapiens. If a tiger is intimidated by man, there is a fair chance of it turning into a man eater should by the slightest brush of bad luck, the human blood lands on its taste buds! Even if the luck runs high, it still holds a fair chance! But a man on the other hand, is conditioned to think and act in a particular way from the time he or she is born. The untamed power of spontaneity is mellowed by the mannerisms, the upbringing, the education and by the every little molecule that constitutes the environment one is raised in. Eventually, probability is the master of the game. What is the chance of a water droplet on your  knuckle to slide down towards your right? A 50-50? What if the droplet decides to go up or down? See, get the drift? Spontaneity of even an unpredictable element like water rests with what the conditions allow it to be.

For instance, some people enjoy playing harmless pranks and, may have been doing so since childhood. Over a period of time, when those pranks are appreciated, they start spilling over the border that separates the harmless from the harmful. Over a period of time, that person may feel absolutely little or no remorse if God forbid, the prank went eerily wrong! Or, take another case, wherein a girl from a village comes to study in a town or a city, where the social norms are entirely different. Either the girl chooses to evolve by adapting or, she may choose to remain in her shell of society inflicted restraints. These were just mere examples to emphasize on how social conditioning develops spontaneity and thoughts. For instance, if a person is extremely dictating by nature, there is a strong chance that he or she has been subdued reprehensibly at some time or the other in their lives. And, when you are surrounded by extremely rude people who are not just rude but sport tonnes of arrogance clubbed with stupidity, your spontaneity is subdued by the unpredictability of the other person’s actions. Definitely, that is not a place or phase where you would want to be in! Because, the fear of releasing the spontaneity also frightens you somewhere at the core, as to how it will unfold. And yet, goodwill prevails on many occasions wherein the instinct to think and act precedes spontaneity. Yes, some phases in life test your will to (re)act. And, they are hard. But then, no phase in life is permanent. Might just say to my self – Deal with it as long as they are tolerable 😀

And while the self is brooding over handling such complicated kind with tact, I am reminded of a kind lady who once told me, “All kinds make this world” and that has managed to calm my nerves own every time, my peace has been disturbed by the intrusion of insolence. It is tough to ignore rude and arrogant people at times. There are those times too, when the words to counter are hanging by the scrap of a nail on the tip of the tongue as they are dragged back with an enormous amount of self control. Because, responding would probably flare up the fire of impertinence and, make it far worse, dealing with such people.

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Time to become a thick skinned buffalo! 😉 Well, if I had a better option, I would have wanted a cloak of invisibility that makes me invisible to some people:D Until then, the hide should do the job! 😛

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