Call a spade, a spade!


Why do bad things happen to good people?

Are some people born evil?

How is it possible for good people to get attracted towards darkness?

Or, does guilt play the big role in building the bridge into the Devil’s realm?

The mighty fall, they say….. and, how!

I will never get answers to these annoying questions. But, that doesn’t stop me from digging deep into the very root cause of these questions. Not because, I seek answers. I know, there is no answer that I will understand the right way, now. But because, I want to know my own thoughts better.

Sometimes, when I question way too much, I am calmed down by elders in the family – “You cannot come to a conclusion without hearing two sides of a story. Even though questioning the wrongs is important, the ground for questioning it becomes baseless when you are not in possession of all facts”. Agreed. But, that is not my point. I am not seeking a conclusion. What I seek, is just an effective action at a particular moment that demands courage but is not effectively supported. Sometimes, I sigh. Sometimes, I get used to the impasse. Sometimes, I rebel. Sometimes, I transform into a vigilante in my head and, devise ways of voicing my thoughts on jargons like justice.

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Justice – what an overrated word. Isn’t it? Did Nirbhaya get justice? She almost got and, then it was snatched away from her posthumously when, the juvenile escaped the conviction and, is now leading a quiet set life down south somewhere, probably with little remorse.

And yet, we feel a gleam of hope because people stood by her, if not in her bad time, but by her in her death. Why? Because that Nirbhaya could have been anyone that day if not her. And then, there were some less unfortunate ones like Ruchika Girhotra and Sonali Bose. However that is not why I began to write this post. We discuss so many issues with our big mouths. We preach on the confident upbringing of girls and, a kind one of boys. We also tend to advise each other on the do’s and don’ts of religious beliefs and rituals. And, in all this madness, we have suddenly lost the voice to speak when, some relations go astray in the confines of our own home!

And, it is at such delicate moments, the voice never comes out. It just never does!

I heard about an incident from a loved one and, it shook me. To the core. Because, when something as sad as this can happen to a beautiful balanced and a matured couple, then I guess, the world is heading towards a place where it should not go to.


The past few months have been uphill in terms of emotions and life. It all began with the demise of my dear maternal uncle. And then, the untimely demise of hubby’s course mate hurt all the more. A few weeks back, my granny passed away. However, her demise did not wound me as she had been severely ailing for a year. Her passing over was a spiritual one and, it gave her freedom from her body that was plagued with countless health issues, one of them being severe asthma. But, the void she has left behind is still sinking in. Well, it hurts, because grandparents are angels on earth. Mine has gone back.

And even as I was just trying to accept the fact that I do not have grandparents in physical form any more, I received yet another news, a distressing one rather. It was no demise of an individual. It was a demise of a relationship between two elders, an uncle aunt couple who have been married for more than 30 years. This was more surreal than horrible. Truth to be told, I felt my gut flip!

I am yet to accept that this couple that we know, who were known for a strong marriage, balanced mindset, two beautiful children and, now a grandchild too, were separating because of a third person, a woman, a family friend and an, ex-relative.

How cliché? Right?

My heart went out to this sweet aunt who never imagined that someone out there was evil enough to wreck her boat! My eyes cried for her when I heard her story through a loved one, especially the agony of having seen a partner transform into something he is not. My gut wrenched when I was told about the lines she said– “I do not want a dime. I just want him back.”

Although I have met them just a few times in my life, I felt the pain of this dear aunt through every vein in my body, as a wife, as a mother and, importantly as a woman. The very fact that she was betrayed by a friend is what hurt her the most – “I allowed her into my life and now, my family is torn apart”.

However, this incident did churn the pit of my stomach for yet another very important reason. I wonder, why none in the family intervened when they all knew about the issue for three long years. I wonder, why people she trusted as her own in her partner’s family did not take a tough stand by favoring her. I wonder, where is the spine, the spine to stand up for the right and, object to the wrong?

And, how is it ok to sit and watch a woman in pain, in a situation as this? It is towards the old age, companionship matters the most. And, at such an age, when a woman has to face such a situation, it is a big slap on the faces of the elders who have claimed big about how important families are!

How is it ok to turn a blind eye to her issues and, act as if everything was normal? Such kind of acting is pathetic! I feel sorry that I am even associated with such relatives by blood. It hurts me to see how much the elders in the family are filled with such apathy.

Would these elders be sitting quiet should such a calamity fall on their own children, or even on them? How is it ok to let a daughter/daughter-in-law of a family suffer, pray tell?

They say – It is never serious until it happens to you. This is probably the most painful reality we all have to deal with. Why people shy away from a hexed situation, assuming it is none of their business when, the people concerned are related to them, is completely beyond my understanding. What will happen if we intervene? Someone might say – “None of your business! Buzz off!”, or maybe, “You don’t know anything!” But at least, one can sleep at peace with the knowing – “I raised my voice against something wrong! So what, if it did not make a big difference? At least, I tried.”

I sincerely pray that this couple comes together again. May their dreams of growing old together with lot of love, companionship and affection come true. May the Sun shine bright on their lives and, may their nights be protected by the Moon’s pure gaze. May the stars bless them.

Having said that, I have absolute faith in God.

Dear God, deliver them, us and every living from all evil.

Amen.

To stand up and speak for the one that needs your help-

“What is wrong, is wrong! Fight the wrong! Tolerate no more”
To say a few words to the one that is hurt, betrayed and wronged-
“Don’t worry. Everything will fine soon. We are with you.”
To extend that listening ear to the one that is pained, without saying a word -. (Silence)
What does it take? For the empathiser – Nothing. 
What does it give?  For the pained one – a cord of hope and faith. 
If people in this world believe in the ‘not my problem’ misnomer, then we are already miles away from spirituality,  again a term that people often use to their advantage by treating it a getaway from their own struggles without even trying to battle them. 
We don’t need spiritual gurus. We need more of simple, uncomplicated and rational humans who can call a spade, a spade and, will stand up for what is right and, NOT side with what is wrong because some ‘spiritual guruji’ said so!
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