Struggles are meant to be difficult. Some are gigantically unnerving. And, they are all meant to be beaten when the time comes, when the moment of courage takes a leap perhaps!
Have you ever felt a shiver run down your spine when a spider weaves a web? I wouldn’t necessarily call it a shiver, but a tingling sensation that I do not take kindly to. Let’s say, as much as I detest spiders, I also have a certain form of respect for them. Considering, we are sworn enemies of each other, with me being the more intimidated of the two, I have always felt like a ruthless assassin whenever I gaze at its weaving abilities awestruck and, yet waiting for the right moment to squish it!
Believe me, my home is infested with spiders. And off late, the spiders and I have entered some kind of territorial truce, which I am sure none of us are ready to keep up with. Well, let’s say – we are in a ‘pause’ period, with my sworn adversaries busy recharging themselves and, with me reflecting deeply on the challenges and stumbles I am encountering on a day to day basis.
And when I am not writing about spiders, I am doing a lot other things of which one is writing this series disconnect to connect! But of late, I have been wrapped by a strange disgruntlement, call it the ambiguity of acceptance that I am unable to shake off. And so, I am returning to this self introspection space more often than not…
…..It is strange that you feel like doing nothing when there are heaps of tasks to be done and, when you are actually away from everything with the intent to do nothing, there is a sudden surge of “I am going to take the world by storm. NOW!”. So, I am currently tiding that gargantuan wave of extremities that often swing between heightened euphoria and, never ending ennui. The fact that I loved the job that I just quit because, it was keeping me up for hours before my laptop, taking a toll on my health eases out a part of my stress because, I know – Good health is a priority any day. Well, that is just one part of rumble strips I am crossing over i.e fighting the ennui to get off the boredom box! But there is a lot more to the boredom than that. Maybe the ennui has risen from the fact that I am either stuck in a home that is more friendly with spiders or, in a place that I feel I have outgrown. I can’t pin point which of the two affects me more. Sadly, they both do in varying degrees.
And then, there are people. The last three years may have made me a little more asocial than before, but for good reasons. And so, watching people, their words and actions have become a hobby I cannot seem to de-addict from. Given that I have finally arrived at a phase in life where I am not intimidated largely by people or their actions (little to medium, yes), I feel a lot better after understanding people on why they are the way they are or, why they do what they do and all the blah!
Let’s say, there is enough sunshine and moonlight for everyone. And then, there is enough hell for everyone too. Yeah right! Each one out there is battling some kind of Nosferatu in his or her life and so, what spews from the lips may not necessarily be the venom in the heart! It takes a while to get to that point. But, that point is profound. In life, there are possibly good and bad times and, good and bad circumstances. People are pawns, mere pawns. And, a few draw courage from within and stand for the tribe, knowing it would derail a seemingly known career path ahead. But, they still take the chance and, do what they feel right from within. Because, for this small percent of men, a good night’s sleep filled with peace supersedes sleepless nights of planning appeasements. And then, there are the others, the majority that climb the ladder by all means. For them, kicking out a few competitors and subordinates by crook, doesn’t seem wrong. And maybe, they are not wrong. Maybe, they are just weak. They are weak willed. Because when they look back and measure their journey as to how far they have come, the very thought of throwing all that away to do a good deed seems not only far-fetched and stupid but also, extremely terrifying! Unfortunately, the weak man climbs the ladder. The weak man tastes success that was a courageous man’s due. The weak man sits in a position of power and, he now feels powerful not because he is, but because his position is.
Sadly, the weak man is in a position from where he leads men but, with no idea how to. And, all this while he thought of himself and now, when he has to lead, he has no idea how to inspire. And so, he becomes the nasty grizzly bear that is intimidated by the slightest movement that does not resonate with his.
The above instance is a widely seen case in almost every organization. Fools – that is what the weak men are called. Well, they are not fools. They are scarred by their fears. On the other hand, there are those men of honor, for whom courage to do the right thing supersedes everything else. Therefore, the courageous men face the burns, scars and the stumbles while the weak tread over them mindlessly, oblivious to the indispensable dependencies – the nemesis of a future.
While I ponder over the increasing number of weaklings in position of power, a part of my head space wanders back to spiders. And, there are days when I take a pause before cleaning the cobwebs (can you believe If I say that spiders are relentlessly fighting me to get out of their dwelling soon…and so, they come with far more intricate works of art each day! A sign to the universe that the lock stock and barrel must visit a new place with lesser competitive dwellers.)
Each day, the pause gives me a moment to see why the spider succeeds. He is not courageous. But, he is not a weakling either. However, he is an astute planner with a mountain of patience. He might get displaced. He might get squished. He might be killed by the spray. But, he returns back every single time, making me feel like Commodus the Wicked! And this is what my adversaries are teaching me at the moment –
“ You cannot fight all battles in a day. You may not be able to finish one battle a day, let alone start it. All you need to know about is patience with resilience. Because, it is important to be a realist before wearing the crown of courage.
Timing is the deciding factor for everything. To know when to dodge, to know when to strike, to know when to gulp down the bitterness, to know when to throw the charade, to know when to walk away and to know, when to seal the lips is what sets apart shrewdness from courage. And that knowing is all that matters.”
And I wonder, what that shrewdness with courage would do? Damn, this world would become a better place perhaps! Or worse, who knows!