It is year 2018 and, it suddenly dawned on me that my blog is a decade old now. Officially. Well, I may have started a couple of years earlier. However, it was sometime in January, as I am not much into dates except for the day I was born, the day I got married and, the day I came back again from the chasms of the Bogey man!
And since then, this space has been my friend, my space, my boundary, my companion in solitude and, a lot more. I named this blog – Swimming in an ocean of thoughts.
Some wise old man had told me once during school that only when the mind becomes devoid of racing thoughts, it truly has attained a state of Nirvana, where nothing bothers anymore. Yes, I still believe those words but, I haven’t met anyone with that kind of a mind. Even the self proclaimed reiki teachers and healers often give in to those emotions of anger and disgruntlement. Well, holistic healing is like that North Face Brand. You might find it everywhere. But, you will never know which one actually is the genuine one. Also, I for one believe that true healers are the ones that are sought. They don’t step out to seek people because they do not seek fame. That said, let me not take away the credits of aspiring healers. Whoever they are, they are probably doing a great work by keeping hope and faith in people alive, even though everyone’s journey is a pre destined path. The thorns shall prick. The tears shall roll. The wounds shall bleed. No science can change that. Like the Chinese do not believe in predicting future. They believe in fate calculators that do no predictions. These calculators only give an outline of your journey with potholes, straight roads and rumble strips…
And now coming back to the journey of blogging for me until now, I look back and feel a wave of blessings. I can only thank the Universe for helping me vent my thoughts and emotions here. Writing has helped me in ways I cannot express. Earlier this blog was just reflecting the way I felt impulsively. For instance, there were those times when I would just write an angry post and publish it. The agenda was perhaps not to garner attention but to release the anger that wouldn’t leave me in peace. There was this one instance when a particular friend called up at a wrong time and, given my delicate state of pregnancy, the conversation was not something I would have entertained then. Well, the hormones took over in no time and, when we hung up, I began typing furiously on the page of my blog. And, I copied and pasted it in the mail to be sent to this friend. But before hitting the ‘send’ button, my mum called me for something. Well, one of mum’s friends was visiting and, the energy levels underwent a paradigm shift. I happily talked for hours then, totally forgetting the mail that was waiting to be sent.
Well, after that day I did not remember much about the conversation. It was only a year later when I was clearing my mailbox and saved drafts on my blog, I chanced upon this post. And, I read it and re-read it many times over. I couldn’t believe I could spew so much of venom in that anger. In fact, at that moment I did not even remember what that conversation was all about. I recalled all those moments when my father would say – If ignorance is bliss, forgetfulness is too. I am not sure about either. But, at that moment, forgetfulness did me good.
And, I deleted it. As for us, we are still friends.
So, while I scour through the pages I have written on this blog, I gather that with every passing year, I have begun to treat the space like a temple. Well, I am not comfortable writing impulsive posts any more. Maybe, the experience I have had as a content writer and developer, I feel some kind of an obligation towards what I write and more importantly, how it will affect the people who read what I write. Isn’t that important?
When I sit and blog about something, it is perhaps my own way of unwinding. But, at the same, if people do read it, I wish there is something good to take away from my space. Well, I hope it is that way.
And, as I look back on this decade of blogging, it dawns on me that this space is more than just an ocean of thoughts. Because, it also contains those mountains of woes I held within myself, a valley of wonderful blooms of memories that my boys have given me, long rivers of patience that continued flowing through those jagged edges of uncertainties, pastures of happy reunions with friends and families, tsunami of depressing health issues, dark clouds crafted by situations that I could barely control and those untimely demises of very dear ones that felt more like the rumbling of an angry Mother Earth.
Looking back, I gather that this space has given me all the place I ever needed. It is like shifting that weight of the boulder off your shoulders. Sit in a crowd and, it is hard to think clearly especially when the crowd wishes you to be one of them. And, for someone like me who builds walls before bridges, crowds and boundaries cannot coexist. So, I shall continue to be unapologetically myself here while my face shall continue to be stoic as ever.
And, happy reading for all those who shall cross this junction while passing through this wonderful journey called life!