The Guilty Mother ~ Part 1


Like seasons, a mother’s personality undergoes myriad shades of change at every development milestone of her child. She plays the good mommy, bad mommy, sulking mommy, happily cooking mommy, moody mommy and what not! Not every day is her day. And, when it is, it is that time when the moon turns into a sky blue and, Mommy turns into a Cinderella with the yellow pumpkins becoming her carriages and, lizards becoming her footmen! I love fantasies, I always have! And, sleeping for me is an excuse to get into that unreal world and, play my fiddle as long as I want! Anyways, I am digressing by habit. Where was I? Yes, on regular days I am the regular mom who tries to do everything but fails to catch up on everything. I am sure, many homemakers who detest housekeeping business would relate with me. And today, hubby is out of town and, son and I have fallen back on a lazy Saturday routine.

So, after hours of making trains with the peg tables, my son has rehashed the look of my drawing room. Currently, it looks as though it has been ransacked by burglars. The cushions are strewn in some abstract fashion, the sofa covers are half in, half out. The center table is diagonally placed near the door opening into the porch! The wooden mesh turtle carrying a lampshade looks lost as it has already been rotated umpteen times! And, the wooden flower vase is seen hiding behind the tissue curtains in a fashion that someone like me who is prone to slip even while wearing slippers will have a Humpty-Dumpty fall! On regular days, this is not the scene though.  Because, on regular days I am the GUILTY mother who constantly pleads to the energetic creative world of mine – my five year old son to adhere to discipline. Yes, yours truly is Guilty As Charged.

A few weeks back, when I sat with the son before his exams, making a few test papers and some questions, I suddenly stopped midway for some unexplained reason and, started doodling on the last page of the notebook. It was some abstract design, one of the many that I make and that, either have no meaning or, have too many! I, of all can make no sense of what I doodle! However, that day I did not notice that the son was observing me doodle. He did not say anything and, I was oblivious to him being aware of my act. And, the regular mother in me resumed with the advising, pleading, coaxing, shouting, yelling etc……. My regular days with my son be like —–

“Study! Study!”

“Read aloud what you write! (A little nudge on the shoulder) How many times should I tell you?”

“WhAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? HOW ON EARTH CAN ‘EE KI MATRA’ (Hindi) BECOME ‘uuu KI MATRA’? DON’T YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU WRITE?”

“+ MeAnS ADDITION! – mEaNs SUBSTRACTION! PLEASE……PLEASE…..Read, Understand and then DO!”

“What. Are. You. Doing!  What pleasure do you get in digging that pencil into a brand new eraser? Does Money grow on trees? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO IT?”

“Arjun! Where is your small water bottle?” (Which I find is now, a cave for all the crawlies and creepies that coexist with us peacefully…As per Arjun it is the snake Agasura and, all the creepies and crawlies are Krishna’s friends! If I say I am at my wit’s end, it is an understatement!)

“Arjun! Where is my kitchen scissors?” (I found the kitchen scissors in various stages of dying as I collected its mortal remains – the blades and the hold….from the garden…Well, the scissors was forced to cut down some strong branches which were later to be used for making a bow and arrow – as per the son! I got a new one which is now used for origami work thankfully!)

“Arjun, please keep the shoes on the rack! Please put that tiffin box in the sink! And, why have you not drunk all the water? You must drink a lot of water!” (On some days, I can hear an echo of whatever I speak. Trust me, he repeats my statements with emotions and expressions that make me go – “OMG! Do I really look like that when I speak? WOW!”)

“Arjun..read aloud! Focus! Concentrate!”

…………………………………..And, the list of my reprimands is endless!……………………………………………

So, after his exams got over, I felt as though I had won a gold medal! That feeling had more to do with – Pre kg! You are done! (Son is going to first grade this year) And no, I have not gone near any books since his exams have got over. Neither has he. But, something caught my eye some time back, a few days after his exams got over. That image made me swell with pride and, well with tears! Remember, I just spoke about some abstract design I had doodled while I was preparing his question papers. The son had drawn out his variations of the same on the same page with the same pen I had used. (The doodle on extreme top left is mine, the other two are his)

Arjun and me

This image was a revelation in parenting to me in many ways that can barely be expressed in mere words.

Today, I took a pause from my daily routine while the son is enjoying his holidays. And, I thought – I have to make the best use of this pause. And what better way than to introspect? Now the above piece of paper with the three intangible doodles made me realize why being an adult actually sucks and, no wonder it feels like being chained by archaic rules and protocols of which, many don’t make sense to me yet. The little Narayani within me smirked at me and, questioned – “Are you even practising what you preach? Why do you ask him not to doodle during study time when you yourself are not able to hold it back! He has your genes, woman! Believe me, let the chemistry in those magical genes work and, you will see a rising genius!”

Ever since the exams have got over, I have allowed the son to do what ever he wants. Though some of his recent shenanigans in the park have already diluted my resolve and I am secretly wishing for his school to begin again, I am also as a matter of fact, proud of his profound questions, thoughtful trances before the simple answers and, his endless trunk of tricks that he saves for priceless moments!

The other day, hubby had asked him –“What do you want to become in life?”

Pat comes the reply – “I want to be a community helper” (He had a chapter on community helpers in his UKG)

So, I asked him – “Which community helper you want to become?”

D….O…..C…..T…..(E)….R”….DOCTOR! The ‘e’ was later replaced with an ‘o’!

Hubby was clearly enjoying the conversation and, further asked – “OK. Which doctor would you like to become? Like, do you want to become an Army Doctor?”

The son thinks for a while and says – “hmmm…..ok….Yes….”

I was folding clothes then and, added my opinion – You better be a good one then!”

Son was lost in deep thought…..and hubby patted him on his cheek and asked – “What happened, son? Planning to change goals?”

To which, he replies candidly “No pa! I want to be a doctor. But, I also want to become other community helpers like tailor, carpenter, gardener, cobbler, milkman, postman, soldier, policeman…..” (and, he named every community helper in the world!)

Smiles, giggles and perspectives come from such conversations. I added – “Well son, in that case, you better become an actor! You can take on all the roles you mentioned!”

Well, I said it! I realized, I said it in the spur of the moment! On a lighter note, it sounds funny now. However, did I really mean it, given my contempt for the kind of films, our Cinema is giving us??

The question itself was a Eureka moment for the guilty mother in me. Rather, I found the answer in my own question and, I have the faith in his destiny that he will be the mad bull for his goal and, will achieve what he wants in life!

Recently when we were visiting a few friends, I met a boy who was appearing for his boards. While the conversation hopped from one topic to another seamlessly, I asked him what was his stream of interest. The answers came, crisp and clear but not from the son. Every answer that came for every question was from the mother, who began the sentence as – “His interests are so and so….So, he wants to pursue this and this….” The boy has been raised excellent and yet, he was silent every time his mother answered for him. As a parent, I feel a child must always answer from the bottom of his heart and, no person must fetch those answers for him. Anyways, to each, his own.

Thoughts of a child, they say are the treasure troves where even a mother cannot enter and take a peek into. I am learning that now. When the son doesn’t want to share something with me, he doesn’t. And, I don’t prod. I am glad that he has a space where he can be himself with absolutely zero inhibitions. I also have my world of thoughts where, I reign supreme. I am the queen in my world of thoughts and, I revel in the power those thoughts

That said, I cannot remove the guilty mother from my personality. I am going to be the fussy mother, the confused mother and the nagging mother who wants to know everything about the son as he grows up, about his friends, about his girlfriends, about his heartbreaks, about his crushes, about his games, about the million secrets he intends to keep from me. He will get annoyed with me. He will also learn to dodge his CID mother! There will be times when he will also call me up less. But then, he is my son and, I remind myself each day of my life that he carries the many traits of hubby and mine and that, the fiercely creative combination of the fire and water that we are, he will learn the tricks and trade of growing up beautifully.

Besides, hubby and I constantly remind ourselves from time to time – “Allow him to make mistakes. Let him take the fall and rise! If his heart breaks, let him heal by himself. If he faces failure, let him fight it himself. You brought him into this world. Now, let him evolve by self, just like your creators let you!.”

In that absolute faith, I am sure that there will come a time when hubby and I will share the same kind of friendship with our son that, we share with our own parents today 😀

On a lighter note, my parents at the moment have every reason to grin ear to ear and, sit back and enjoy the many CID episodes this guilty mother will be sharing on this blog!

Shhhhhh………………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Dear child, A failure is not too bad to be dissed.


Failure is seen as a bad word. Always. I am no exception. It just comes naturally to us to dodge failures, avoid failures, beat failures. Isn’t it? But while we are busy making sure of getting the failures off our back, we have missed a crucial point – Has any success ever come with no failure? And if it did, has it not encountered it later?

Something prompted me to write about why children need to come face to face with failures more, to understand the importance of success. After all, when success arrives at your doorstep, it is not you alone who is the sole owner of it. All those people who helped you arrive at this point (even if it is a tapri ka chaiwala), deserve a part in that success. However, failure absolutely and utterly belongs to you and you alone. And it is precisely why, failures guide you better if you listen to them carefully. Superficially, failures bruise your ego. Rejection kills your motivation on the surface. But for a soul to feel the success, he would always listen to voice of the failure which says – “Common! you deserve the best!”

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So, here is my post on Parentous which is a 2 part series. Below is the first part:

Come children, let’s talk about failures- Part 1! (An excerpt from my write up).

“When I worked as a preschool teacher earlier, I was irrevocably drawn towards student psychology. Although I handled preschool, I was also in a position to interact with students who were in eleventh and twelfth grade. It seemed as though I was a part of two different worlds, each oblivious of the other’s existence. My preschool kids were innocent, loving and obedient. They absorbed every word I spoke, like a sponge. I still remember how the kids used to fight for the first bench. But then, ever since I made it a point to walk around in class while teaching, the fights stopped. My kids mastered the art of head rotation with their eyes and ears following my gait and sound. You can say, I was their mother teacher. They took my scolding with the same grace as they received my love and care.

However, when I interacted with teenagers in the same school, I realized communication could not get any tougher than this…………………..” Click here to read the whole article.

A chronicle from the 1960s.


Kindness is God’s way of telling you – “Hang on there! Hold on to that flame of hope and, trust me with all your faith. You are just a wee bit away from crossing that burning bridge!”

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Circa 2002

That year although was the beginning of my dream to fly, it did have more important reasons to be remembered for. Because that year was not just about finding my wings, but it was also more about the empty nest syndrome that hit my mother for the first of all times.

empty nest syn

My parents have in a very amazing manner, balanced walking the tight rope of parenting. At any point of time, one of them would be as cool as a cucumber. However among the two, I remember my father having predominantly played the cool parent as compared to my anxious mum. But it all changed once my twelfth grade ended. Mum wanted me to go out of the state and study. Whereas, my dad who had helped me give countless entrance exams wanted me to stay within the known realms of the state. Finally, I joined a college in a place that was three hours from home and, it made all three of us happy, for different reasons though. Talking about Mum, she was prepared for the part, that I was leaving for college. However, she wasn’t prepared for the part that came later,“A home that was deafeningly silent”. In months that followed, I could sense her leaning towards depression. We couldn’t talk much during the first week as I was yet to have my first mobile. Standing in a queue to speak through the payphone was the only option and, given the fact that there were many like me, it was impossible to have a decent conversation. Yet, I managed to visit home once or twice a week. She was vocal about my absence and, I for one did not know what could ease her pain.

A few months passed. And one day, I got a call from her – “Hey! You know our neighbour’s daughter – Chutki. I am planning to teach her Maths.” Oh yes! I remembered my lovely neighbor Pinki Aunty’s beautiful daughter Aashka who is fondly called – Chutki,  who was in class 7 then. The enthusiasm in my mum’s voice was the answer to her own pain. In that moment, I felt it was God’s way of showing the way.  A couple of years later, she was teaching 5 – 6 children, a variety of subjects like Math, Physics, Chemistry, Biology and sometimes, History and Civics too. Having handled and mentored a difficult child like me, she was so much at ease handling and teaching the other kids in the neighborhood. She had found her happy place. But what made me more proud of her is the fact, she taught purely for fun and, not for money. When I asked her what made her take tuition for free, she narrated a beautiful incident from her childhood and, it has stayed with me forever.

This is as narrated to me by my mum:

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Circa 1969:

“There are times when you are lost, when you are blinded, when you are overwhelmed by the feeling of having been left in a jungle blindfolded. And then, all of a sudden a stranger takes your hand and leads you the way from darkness to light. That stranger at that time, is God to you.”

“I studied in Muncipal school till class Seven. And you know how those schools are. Not much was taught. All play and no work was the deal. And then, when I reached class VIII, my father put me in Avinash Lingam School of Coimbatore. I was enthralled and at the same time scared when I saw the sprawling campus of my school that also had colleges pertaining to various disciplines. While I was still mesmerized by the ambiance of the new school, my father led me to the principal – Hema Prabha Maam. She looked at me in the eye, wished me and then said to my father, “She has to pass an entrance test. Only then I can confirm her admission.” The entrance exam contained questions of all subjects in English and, I came from Tamil medium with very little knowledge of the language. It felt as though I had landed in a foreign country. No, I did not know English well. And, I did not attend any question in any of the subjects. However, I did write a poem that I was taught in the earlier school. Later when I was inducted, I asked my father – “How did they take me in such a school when I did not even know a single answer to a question?” And he said, “Seems you did not leave the entire paper blank. You wrote some poem in your paper. What has impressed them is the fact that there wasn’t one grammatical error in that whole poem and that, your hand writing was beautiful. Anyways, you are in a good school now. Time to shine and make us proud!”

I adored my father and I missed him a lot. Mostly because he was in a job that demanded transfers once in two years. Hence, we (my mum and my three siblings) were stationed in Coimbatore whereas, he was moving around making tough adjustments in life to provide us with a good comfortable life. And so, I was determined that no matter what, I would not fail his expectations from me.

However, the first day at Avinash Lingam had already decided to challenge my verve. I reached my class and, I saw myself surrounded by girls who were taller and far stout than me. Yes, they were clearly intimidating as their body language said it aloud – “What is a girl from a Municipal school doing in our school?” And just as I thought about the way I was to get ragged, our class teacher Rajathi Maam appeared. She was the first kind soul I met in that school. She introduced me to the class and, vice Versa. There were occasional mumbles and jumbles that were laced with giggles. That day felt like being choked! I did not understand a thing! And, I felt like a misfit! Besides, the feeling of not being accepted in a place where you have just landed as a newbie is not a good feeling. A few days passed.

Since, I had joined a month late in the school, I was advised by Rajathi Maam to take down the missed notes from someone in the class. As I went about asking, I noticed that there were cliques in the class – the toppers, the sports players, the fashionistas and, the average ones. I did not fit in any of them as, I was as blank as a clean slate. As for the notes, I did not get much help as none that I asked was ready to lend. Many wouldn’t even speak. So, just as I felt that the new school is a big mistake and that, I was letting my father down, a long hand with some notebooks came forward. I looked up and saw a girl smiling at me. She said, “Hey! Take my notes. You can return them once you have copied them down.”

Her name was DP Usha Rani, the second kind soul in that class. I remember her vividly and, I remember the name. My happiness knew no bounds as I thanked her profusely and, promised her that I would return the notes ASAP. That whole night, I sat and copied the notes down. I returned the notes next day as I had promised. Later I learned, she was one of the few secluded toppers who was unaffected by cliques. And, she was my inspiration to learn. I wanted to become like her.

It took me three months of sheer hard work and determination to come within the top fifteen ranks in the first quarterly exam. And that determination sprung from the one and only fact that, someone in that class was kind enough to help me in the first week. I could not let that kindness down! When the results came, everyone including the teacher was surprised pleasantly. As for me, I was thankful to God for helping me in that hour of need through that kind soul – DP Usha Rani. Needless to say, not only did I earn respect, but a few good friends later.

Coming to Present……

Do you know why I am narrating this incident to you? When Chutki arrived for her tuition on the first day, I saw myself in her, a girl who needed help but was not getting it. She clearly felt lost just like I had, in the year 1969. And, it was like lending a ear and hand to a version of myself. And within a year, when she eased herself in tuitions, I discovered a very intelligent girl within, who preferred to reach the depth of a concept than, simply reading it for a test. With her, I felt more connected with myself when we went through the brainstorming sessions of understanding subjects like Math and Physics. And even though she is stark opposite to you, she reminded me of your school days too! It gives a great inner peace in helping someone especially when you realize you have been through a similar phase in life.”

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As I look back, I realize how times have changed. Yes, in the schooling years, mum and I have had countless differences and arguments, given the fact that, I was a rebellious child. Today, we chat as siblings, shop together giggling over our idiosyncrasies and, watch every cookery show together. And, when she narrates about her childhood, I feel ecstatic about chronicling them. It is like taking a peek into the 1960s and, wondering how life was both easy and difficult in different ways as compared to the present. And yet, we have a lot to learn from the yester generation. And the one thing that I learned and, importantly  what propelled me to write this post was – “Kindness is rewarding. Always.”

kindness

Some candid tips for Teenagers on social networking.


I recently came across a discussion in a closed group about whether technology needs to be introduced to teenagers and that, if a teenager demands that he/she demands an FB account or a phone with whatsapp, should the parent give in. There have been pros and cons to every discussions. This discussion too has the pluses and the minuses. But the question that looms over a parent is whether the pluses outweigh the minuses or, vice versa?

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Source: Google Images

My child is four and a half plus. Thankfully, he is not a cartoon addict  (because he complains that they aren’t real!) and, he is not a tablet addict (occasionally he loves the Tomcat app though). However, he is a story addict. He loves to see and listen to the stories/fairy tales and rhymes (the countless and the choicest educative videos I downloaded from the Internet over the past 5 years).  And yet, I am perturbed by his addiction. That said, the plus point is he has an amazing way of narrating stories (attention to detail is the word). The minus point is, if on some particular day I fail to keep a tab on his story time for some reason, he would keep watching the stories without heeding to his time limits. And that is not acceptable to me. Yes, discipline is an important ingredient in building the character of a child. And, there are times when I have to keep aside my sweet cuddly mommy avatar and switch to my Cruella de vil avatar to jolt him out of his unruliness. However, handling toddlers is far easier than handling teenagers. Why? Toddlers are still dependent on us for many things. And importantly even at a primal level, they are aware that they are as much the world to us as much as we are to them. However, when the same toddlers grow into teenagers with time, they are slowly and steadily pulled into the labyrinth of forbidden pleasures. I won’t say – This happens to every teenager. But most teenagers at some time or the other do fall under the spell of this ‘try the untried’ list. One of which, is the drug of the virtual world. So, the question posed by an anxious parent was –

“Should we allow our wards to have their individual FB accounts or a whatsapp account?”

This is indeed a very difficult question to answer. I remember myself at that age. Around that time, Internet had just set its foot in India. And, I was learning about it on the academic side. Internet Explorer version was 4, I think. The speed was snail slow those days. So to say, it was slower than the speed now. And then, there were chatrooms in Yahoo and Indiatimes! But then considering that I religiously read every section of the newspaper and political magazines, I was well aware of the cons of the virtual world even before I got an Internet connection at my place. I had read countless articles from the west on how online world was a dangerous place for children. An article I had read in the Readers Digest, somewhere between the year 1996-2000 highlighted the core issue in the west about how pedophilia was growing rampant after the onset of the online chatting and socializing. The stories I read were disturbing and scary. And so, I learnt while in school that the person you may be chatting with may not even be the dude or the hot girl you assume them to be. It may be some wicked mind behind the pic of a teenager that you assume the person to be. Then, came Orkut. Followed by HighFive, Myspace and FB. So, coming back to the above question, what should be the answer? I guess, it is a dicey take. I personally feel that for teenagers of today, these distractions must be best kept at bay and, I have a reason for it. They watch more than they read (Not all, most of them). So, when the reading quotient goes down, the tendency to be stupid grows high. Even if they are aware of the cons of social networking, they continue with a mindset – of course, this cannot happen to me! But then, shit happens. And when it happens, everything in retrospect hurts. And, it hurts real bad. That said, I don’t mean that teenagers must not have an FB account. But before having a personal account, there are some questions the teenager must seek answers to:

  1. Is my profile visible to strangers? If I do not want it to be visible on the search engine what must I do?

A1. Go to privacy settings of your FB account. Check the settings of ‘Who can look me up’ and edit accordingly. Even you can limit the visibility of your profile pic by clicking on a world like icon on the picture and change the settings accordingly.

  1. How do I stop strangers from sending me friend requests?

A2. You may edit the settings – Who can send you Friend Requests accordingly.

  1. How do I make my album private (album is visible only to your close ones)?

A3. Click on Photos–>albums. Every album has a icon on the bottom right corner – where you have the option to limit the visibility and edit the audience accordingly. 

  1. If I happen to get an indecent post on my timeline, what do I do?

A4. FaceBook gives you the right to report the post. If the post is inappropriate, disturbing or does not comply with its norms, the reported post is removed.

  1. Is tagging advised?

A5. Tagging is not advised if you want to have my opinion. Once you allow tagging, it allows your friends’ friends (who may not be your friends) to take a peek into your pics which you may not necessarily want to share with the world. Now, if you want to prevent friends from tagging you in their pics, you can check the option of Timeline and Tagging, wherein you can edit the settings accordingly. Also, disabling your timeline adds more security to your account as it restricts anyone from posting anything on your timeline. To a great extent, this feature protects your account from posts containing viruses.

  1. What do I need to share about myself?

A6. Share limited information about yourself. And even if you feel compelled to write about yourself, limit the settings to either Only me or customised friend list that comes within your circle of trust. Besides, password that you create must be a combination of alphabet, numbers and alphanumeric characters that only you can possibly remember. 

  1. How can FB be a help to me in the field of academics?

A7. You may search for the group/topic. Go through every group. Whichever feels genuine to you, you can join that particular group. Also, be a silent listener initially. This way, you get to learn more without giving away yourself.

  1. What if I feel like accepting or sending a friend request from or to a person I do not personally?

A8. Let the feeling remain a feeling without turning into an action. Never ever accept/send a friend request to someone you do not know on a personal level. But if you do, there is a chance that you might be pleasantly surprised. But then there is an equally good chance that you might get a rude shock. Why take a gamble on your happiness? Because, one miss in the judgment of people in social networking can lead to disastrous results. Play safe is all I would say 🙂

Lastly, ask yourself – Do I need an FB account now? Apparently, you will answer with an affirmative. But if you do, please go through the above questions to ensure your own security. Remember, there is always a thin line that differentiates the good and the bad. Also for a teenager, social networking is like walking on a tight rope. Only that, he or she does not realize it unless the fall happens. So, a word of caution for all the teenagers:

Internet is a boon. Make the best of it for learning purposes. The moment you use it for anything but learning, mark my words my friend – you will be ruining your mind without knowing it. Because, you never realize when the addiction begins. It is like a parasite that first uses you as a host. And when it is done, you are way ahead in the path of self destruction.  So, be wise in choosing your circles and have a safe social networking. Godspeed!

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Source: Google Images

P.S: And, a note for parents of today – Do not answer your teenagers with a negation without understanding their age. They may not like a NO for an answer. Yet, you may want to clear the air on the social networking by first making them aware of the dangers of social networking. Make them read articles on how things have gone awry for the many of their age because they overlooked the reason for caution. And, importantly let them know that you trust them and that, trust has to be mutual. Hope, this helps!

 

 

Parenting with the strictness quotient


Raising a child is the most precious experience, albeit the most challenging one too. There are worries, there are never-ceasing-to- grow whites on the head, there are sleepless nights about the planning of child’s education and then, there is also the seamless joy in watching your child blossom and evolve with time. However, there are times when not everything your child does, make you happy. As a mother of a three plus year old, I have realized that, some amount of austerity is crucial in aiding with the right kind of growth. And, I am a strong believer in the adage: Spare the rod and spoil the child.

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These days, Internet is rife about how children should be raised. Forums on every social networking site are flood with parental guidelines. A lot of mothers discuss parenting issues, where instances of children under performing in school but performing well at home, or children being too disobedient or following an erratic routine or even, unhealthy food habits and irregular sleep patterns. My mother thanks God that there was no Internet in her time. She chuckles, “Who had the golly time to discuss all these issues? We had no choice but to be self-educate ourselves”. I feel , she definitely parented in a different time and not to mention, a better time too!

So, here is my take on how strict we need to be with our children.

Some delightfully crazy experiences of a ‘three plus year old’ mother.


As a mother I have often observed myself in too many avatars. Loving mother, angry mother, sulking mother, enthusiastic mother, emotional mother, worried mother, ‘lost in thoughts’ mother, crying mother, laughing mother, ‘sleeping with eyes open’ mother, feverish mother, tired mother and a hyper active mother too! Did I forget to mention, a multitasking mother? It is here I must mention that I have surprised myself in improbable ways. Talk about patience. I thought I never had it. Not that I have mastered it now or, am the most patient mother on earth. Far from it! However, I have transformed from an active volcano to a dormant one. (explodes occasionally yet unpredictably). After all those sleepless nights of nursing my little one, cleaning baby poop, wearing maternity gowns and bras, cuddling the little one on the slightest outcry and a lot more, motherhood has definitely made me a better woman. Not to mention, a bold multi-tasker too. However, what I gathered from being a mother is, you can never plan something in your head and execute it the way you planned. Motherhood is all about learning and unlearning and then, learning again. Speaking of which, here are some of my delightfully crazy experiences, albeit concealing a few lessons!

The misunderstood ….. ~ Irony or Tyranny??


There was a recent news on how a 15 year old of a school in Bangalore jumped to her death. The girl, according to the news reports, was a bright and a proactive student. So, what drove her to suicide?? She was friendly with a classmate in a manner that was more than just friendly. After some counseling and repeated warnings followed by suspension, the girl whose life could have turned out better (had she understood the complications that should rise from her actions), just decided to flee from her cage of do’s and don’ts and took her life. As usual, discussions, blame games and a lot of tweets and posts floated around advocating what is right/wrong. However, the beaten lot here, are the teenagers.
Teenage – An age, when you feel like an adult but the world refuses to acknowledge you as one.


A sudden play of hormones, those unexplained changes in physique, the attraction that comes along for the opposite sex, the urge to try the untried and the exhilaration that comes in doing something sans the scrutiny of parents, teachers or guardians, explains why teenage is challenging. Of course, waywardness in a teen is a different thing altogether. But then, pray tell, which of the above stated changes have we not experienced in our growing years? Most of us have. And who are we kidding?? Haven’t we been through the same phase at some point in our lives? Haven’t we nurtured secret crushes? (I bet 80 % of us did have). And, then there are always some who were more pulled towards the laws of attraction than the other. We have seen that kind too. And today, the same ‘we’ are quick to judge a teenager who just took her life.

It is here, the upbringing at home comes into picture. And as parents/ teachers, we need to ask ourselves…..

  • In today’s world, most children have access to everything they haven’t earned yet (an iphone 6 for eg). Why is that?  
  • Do you have time for your children? Do they share everything with you?
  • How often do you allow your children to watch television endlessly and then, complain about it later when that routine becomes a habit? (The same can be said about allowing children as young as three or four to access mobile phones and gadgets)
  • How often do you sit down and chat with your teenager in a friendly way, at the same time assuring them that you are always there for them?
  • How many of you parents/teachers sham away from discussing about sex education with the children?
Today, teenagers are smart. Talk about big cities, they probably don’t need any info from anyone about infatuations, sex or even trending teen issues (like teen pregnancy).  The only issue with them is they being unaware of the fact that they alone shall be responsible for their actions. This girl was bright. Her actions prior to her death may have been objectionable. But the question lingers…..”Could this death have been averted?” The answer to this question shall always be unclear.
May her soul rest in peace. Amen!